Life is absurd. We just write it down.
What started as 'let's grab drinks this weekend!' has become a digital graveyard of scheduling attempts, emoji reactions, and one person who keeps suggesting dates everyone ignored three weeks ago. A forensic examination of how group chats become planning graveyards.
Mar 14, 2026
What started as changing a light fixture has somehow evolved into questioning the fundamental integrity of your home's electrical system. A step-by-step guide to how every 'simple' home project becomes an accidental renovation.
Mar 14, 2026
You've scrolled through every app twice, refreshed Instagram until it begged for mercy, and somehow ended up reading the Wikipedia page for Victorian-era doorknobs. Welcome to the modern existential crisis: peak internet saturation.
Mar 14, 2026
A friend sends you a casual message. You type a response. Three words. Maybe four. Then you delete it. Rewrite it. Add an emoji. Remove the emoji. Check the time. Consider tone. Contemplate your entire existence. Eleven minutes later, you've sent: 'haha yeah for sure'
Mar 13, 2026
You will cook a real meal tonight. You will be healthy. You will be that person. Forty minutes later, you're refreshing the delivery app for the seventh time, and you've accepted that you are not that person. You never were.
Mar 13, 2026
The parking lot is a stage. You are both performer and audience. And somewhere between the rows of metal boxes and faded white lines, reasonable people transform into territorial creatures locked in silent, furious combat over 144 square feet of concrete.
Mar 13, 2026
You downloaded the app, told three people about it, and bought a specific water bottle. By Thursday, the routine was quietly retired with no formal announcement. This is the complete lifecycle of every new habit you've ever committed to, ranked by how fast it returned to the earth.
Mar 13, 2026
The grocery store is a place where normal, reasonable adults become intensely territorial about cart placement and develop strong opinions about the express lane. What follows is a nature documentary of the most passive-aggressively civilized place in America.
Mar 13, 2026
You opened the email at 2:14 PM. It is now 3:02 PM. The reply you've drafted reads 'Will do!' and you've deleted it six times. This is the completely normal psychological unraveling that happens every single time you try to respond to a work email.
Mar 13, 2026